Not even close to done!

I really hope this pregnancy thing gets better, because so far I don't like it very much!  This includes all the stuff that makes it a downer that I previously mentioned, and now I can feel my uterus starting to come out.  And since my belly is already kind of chubby it's making me look like I'm further along than I already am.  I've had spotting in the last week that has freaked me out.  I went to my mom, and she said as long as it's not heavy or it doesn't hurt, it's alright.  She then went on to telling me that she had spotting in the first part of her pregnancy.

I have an appointment with a doctor/obgyn NEXT MONTH, which is super far away, and I'm already super paranoid asking my mom questions like 'What if it's already dead in there?  What if it stopped developing weeks ago?"  I just wish I could see an ultra sound, so I can see that little heartbeat.  I also want to get an appointment with a midwife, which is what I would rather go with, but they first have to see if I am a low risk pregnancy, if I'm not I have to go with a doctor.

Why I don't want to go with a doctor, is because of all the pregnancies I have gone to see in the past few years.  They always leave the woman drugged up, and if the labour doesn't hurry along, they go to make it go faster, and pump more drugs into her.  My brother's girlfriend was super drugged up, in pain(still), and ended up with a cesarean anyways.  I would like to go the natural birth, I want to remember it all, I want to experience it in its entirety, and I want that rush of hormones that hits you after the baby comes out.  I’ve read, and watched some things that said with all the drugs women are already on, it numbs them from those natural hormones, and bonding chemicals we release.

There isn’t much else to say.  So I guess I will leave it at that till I think of something else to write, maybe something that isn’t about being pregnant!