Life After Baby

Today is Friday December 7th 2012.  I can't even remember how to write anymore.  Well, life after having a baby sounds good.

First though, it appears I left off in January.  Let me just say it did not get better it got worse!  I was sick until  around 5 months, then I had food aversions in the 6th month.  I barely ate any!  So much so that I fainted in Money Mart while trying to get our rent cheque.  I was finally okay around 7months, but then my tummy was getting huge, and different things came into play.  Like being sore all the time, swollen feet, this insane craving for ice.  All kinds of things.

Not my picture, my ice wasn't that good looking!

My daughter was born on August 25th 2012 at 8:39AM.  I was induced the evening before at 5:30pm.  I was already having mild painful contractions the whole day.  So I figure she would have came at anytime anyways.  Well she was born, and life changed completely!

Somethings I never knew as a first time mom is how lonely it is, but it is this weird self inducing loneliness.  I mean I want to hang out with other people, and have conversations, but I also just want to be left alone with my baby.

Monday, December 10th 01:18.  I couldn't finish off last time  my baby woke up, and I kept forgetting to.  It seems the only time I will be able to do this is in the middle of the night after she is fast asleep.

Once again here I am at 23:18.  It is so hard to get in some time where I can actually write anything.  I had a really good day with my baby.  She was so cute, easy to take care of today.  I'm feeling better today, then I have in a little while.

BF is sick.  He has been all week.  Throwing up, barely sleeping, getting mad at everything.  So he has been yelling more than usual.  Very stressful.  I feel bad for him, for the baby, and me.  But I don't even want to think about that.  Today was a good day.  Baby, and BF are both sleeping well.

BF is on the other couch in the white hoodie.

I went to a rally/protest today at the Manitoba Legislative building.  It was good.  I wish I could have stayed longer, but my baby was getting too crazy for BF, so he came to get me so I could calm her down.  I really hope that Bill C-42 does not go through!  I mean, they have been horrible to the native people of this land for hundreds of years, and the treaties are meant to be in place as long as the sun is shining and the rivers flow.  I mean even protecting the lakes and rivers.  I HATE STEPHEN HARPER!!!

It was great!

But anyways I don't really feel like getting into that right now.  I just want to talk, about what…I'm not really sure.  I feel like I don't even know how to write anymore.  I have to read more books.  I need a purpose in this life besides just being a mother.  as much as it can be fulfilling to some women it is not as much to me.  I need to do more with my life then just raise a child.  I need to make a difference in others, I need to.  I don't just want to - I NEED to.  I think about it everyday, what can I do to help the people today, and I think of so many things, but I'm a mother.  All my time goes to my daughter.  I know it won't be forever, but I just feel like I should be doing more.  I keep thinking about film I can make.  Films are so important to me.

I used to think I could be a writer, but I didn't have a passion for it.  I mainly did it because I was really good at it.  I always wanted to get into film making, and I thought I could get my books made into movies.  Then as I grew older I just knew that I wanted to make movies, I want to tell stories through that way.  It incorporates it all, visual, sound, imagination, story, idea's.  Everything I could ever need to get messages across to people.  I will get back into it.  I just need the motivation to do it.  

This is one reason I kind of can't wait for baby to get older.  So she can be more independent and I can get back some of myself.

Well time to try to get some rest.  I'm a full time mom….for the time being.

Kayla